Ep 23. The Comparison Spiral: How to scroll for inspiration without losing yourself

Let’s talk about how to scroll your feeds without getting into that all familiar comparison spiral, because I know how it goes.

You open Instagram to get content ideas and you tell yourself, I’m just gonna quickly scroll to see what’s going on, right? 20 minutes later, you convince yourself that everyone’s doing it better than you, your content’s rubbish, and maybe you should just pack it all in…Am I right? 

I was there too, and today I wanted to dive into that moment when you go looking for inspiration and end up in a full blown spiral of doubt.

Because the thing is, as introverts, we’re actually more prone to this than extroverts because we’re natural observers.

I’ve talked about this before – we notice everything. We take it all in. We process deeply, and these are obviously amazing qualities when it comes to understanding your audience and creating meaningful content, but it can also work against us when we’re scrolling through social media.

So today I wanna talk about why this happens and how to spot when you’ve crossed the line from inspiration into comparison, and more importantly, how to protect your energy so you can actually use what you see to fuel your work instead of it draining you.

If you’re new here, hello and are very well welcome to Quiet Confidence with myself, Anita Popat. This podcast is all about helping introverted entrepreneurs market their thing without changing who you are.

Let’s start with why introverts are especially vulnerable to this comparison spiral.

Before we say anything or act on anything we watch, we take everything in and notice patterns and nuances that other people might miss and yeah, that’s brilliant when you’re creating content because you can really understand what your audience needs and what resonates with them, and really get into their head about what they’re thinking without even knowing that they’re thinking that.

But when you’re scrolling through social media, that same trait means that you are absorbing everyone else’s highlight reel. 

You’re noticing how polished their graphics are and how many likes they got, and how confident they sound and how many stories they posted that day.

All of this data is going into your brain, which starts doing what it does best, which is processing and comparing. And because we tend to be more critical of ourselves anyway, we’re not comparing our behind the scenes to their behind the scenes. We’re comparing our messy first draft to their perfectly curated final product.

I see it all the time with clients. They have so many posts sitting in their draft folder because they think they’re not polished enough yet, or they’re trying to sound like that person they follow who always seems to have the perfect words.

And they’ll say things like, oh, I can’t post until I get better graphics, or I need to sound more like her. But that’s the problem. You are never gonna sound like them because you’re not them. And your people don’t want you to sound like them either.

They want you.

And I’ll keep saying that until I’m blue in the face, because what I want you to understand is that feeling of, oh God, she’s doing better than me, isn’t actually about her.

It’s really about you not being clear enough on what makes you different. When you’re really clear on your North Star message, so really anchoring into who you’re for and what you stand for.

Other people doing similar things won’t threaten you. It actually validates that there’s a need for what you do because other people are doing it too.

So how do you know when you’ve crossed the line from inspiration to comparison?

For me, there are three clear signs.

The first one is how you feel in your body. When you’re genuinely inspired, you feel energized. You get ideas and you think, oh, that’s interesting. I wonder how I can do that in my own way. And you feel like creating something.

But when you’ve tipped into comparison, it feels heavy and you might get that sinking feeling in your chest or your stomach and start second guessing everything, and instead of wanting to create, you want to hide.

The second sign is what you do next. If you feel inspired, you’ll take action because you found a way to adapt to what you’ve seen to fit your own message.

But if you’re in comparison mode, you’ll start copying or wanting to sound more like them, which means that you might abandon what you’re working on and try and do what they’re doing instead. Or you’ll just close the app and tell yourself you’re not good enough, which is not true.

And that’s the third sign, the story you’re telling yourself. When you’re inspired, you’re thinking, oh, that’s clever, or, I love how she’s explained that. But with comparison, you’re thinking, oh, I could never do that. Or, why would anyone listen to me when she exists? I’m so far behind.

Notice the change in tone as well and the energetic load each of those phrases has.

That can be felt in your content as well, and once you start noticing these patterns you can catch yourself and literally pause and think, right, am I feeling inspired or am I comparing myself? And then you can make a different choice.

One of the best things you can do to prevent this comparison spiral is to actually curate your feed properly. And I know that sounds really obvious, but most people don’t do it.

You need to be really ruthless about who you follow and what content you’re consuming.

Because if someone’s content is consistently making you question your worth or feel less than them, then just unfollow them. It doesn’t matter if they’re successful or if everyone else follows them or if they’re in your industry. If they drain your energy, they don’t get to be on your feed. Simple as that.

I’ve unfollowed people because their energy just doesn’t work for me and that’s fine. It doesn’t mean that they’re bad at what they do. It just means they’re not for me.

Instead, I follow people who make me think, yes, this is how I wanna show up.

People who are doing interesting things in their own way and who feel genuine and grounded, and whose content genuinely inspires me to want to create, and put my own spin on things so I’m not hiding.

And I also follow people outside of my industry as well. Sometimes you can create your own echo chamber when you feel like you’re supporting your peers, and that’s naturally gonna lead to comparisonitis because you all do the same thing and it’s like an echo chamber.

So I follow people outside the industry, like artists, writers, and people who have nothing to do with marketing because they’re gonna inspire me in completely different ways. And they also remind me that there’s more to life than business content, which is really important when you’re building a personal brand, because sometimes we’re all in our little bubble.

Have a look at your feed right now and just think, is anyone making me feel rubbish?

And if they are, this is your permission slip to unfollow them. Your feed should feel like good vibes only. Otherwise, you’re not gonna wanna be there.

Now, here’s something that might change how you view social media content, because this is how I use it.

I very much treat my reactions to content as market research.

So when I’m scrolling my feed, and if I see someone’s post doing really well, instead of thinking, oh, why didn’t I think of that? I think, oh, interesting. What’s resonating here? What are people responding to and how does that connect with what my audience needs?

Or if I see someone talking about something I was planning to talk about, instead of scrapping the idea and thinking, oh, they’ve already said it. I’m not gonna bother. I just think, okay, how would I say this differently? What angle would I bring that’s unique to me? And for me, if you look at all my content, it’s literally all focused around the introvert’s angle, so it’s pretty easy for me to do, and that’s a completely different energy, right?

You are gathering information instead of measuring yourself against everyone else, and that shift from comparison to curiosity is everything.

I also pay attention to what makes me feel something when scrolling.

Like if I read a post and I think, oh my God, yes. I save it in an inspiration folder, and then I’ll think about why did it land?

Was it the way they told the story? Was it a specific example they used? Was it the way they presented the information? And then I’ll think about how I can bring some of that inspiration into my own content without copying what they did.

Because the chances are if someone made me feel seen, it’s gonna make my audience feel seen too when I share it in my own way.

And that’s really fun to do as well because it gets your creative juices flowing.

The last thing I wanna talk about is knowing when to just step away. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to just get away from all the noise and literally do anything else.

Go for a walk. Make a cup of tea, read a book, stare at the ceiling. Just stop scrolling.

Because, no amount of scrolling is gonna give you clarity on your message, and no amount of watching other people’s content is gonna tell you what your people need to hear from you. 

That clarity will come from getting quiet, giving yourself some space, and just tuning into yourself and reflecting on like the things your clients are saying and noticing what questions are coming up when people are inquiring with you, and also thinking about your own journey and maybe what you wish someone had told you a couple of years ago .

So yes, use social media for inspiration, but your best content is not gonna come from those apps. It’s gonna come from you.

So if you’re scrolling and you notice that heavy feeling creeping in, or you start to second guess yourself, or if you’ve been on there for more than 10 minutes and you haven’t actually done anything useful, close the app and give yourself permission to step away.

I promise you nothing important’s gonna happen in the next hour that you need to know about, and your business will be absolutely fine without you doom scrolling through everyone else’s content.

To wrap this up, remember, your ability to observe and take things in is a strength when you use it intentionally.

So curate your feed so it is good vibes only, and doesn’t drain you and treat what you see as data, not as a measuring stick for your worth. And when you’re in doubt, just close the app and get back to your own work because the world doesn’t need another version of someone else.

It needs your version of you, and you should give them that.

If this episode resonated with you, I would love it if you could share it with another introvert in business who might need to hear it. And if you want help getting really clear on your message so you can drop the comparison spiral for good, then DM me on Instagram.

I’d love to chat to see how we could work together. until next time, keep building your quiet confidence so you can make that loud impact you’re here to make. And I shall see you next time.